Thursday, 22 August 2013

Keeping Your Man

Hello ladies,

Been a while since you read from me and I am sorry about that. However I never said I would be the only one writing for this blog. I threw it open to members to send in their articles, concerns, challenges, questions and other things to the Adiva email address and we will publish it. Not only that, we will get the experts/professionals to help answer some of your questions, I am still waiting to hear from you all.
Anyway I have good news and that is the fact that you will be able to watch me talk more/elaborate on things I will write in the blog. Yes o my YouTube channel will be very very active soon with my new project called Stella's diaries. You all need to look out for it because it will be very exciting as usual. I will say it the way I see it and I am sure by now most of you know I am not ashamed or afraid to speak my mind.

Anyway let me go to the topic I want to discuss today "keeping your man".
This is for the married women o please this is not targeted at single girls.

Now we know that the one thing men cannot live without apart from money is SEX. In this forum I really don't care where anyone is from or what religion you belong to, I will be as raw and honest as possible.

I do not understand why women especially Africans do not talk about sex when we know that it is the one thing we do regularly with so much pleasure.
Anyway our men love sex to the max and we know that for a fact. So how come when we are dating them we are so willing to give them what they want even though we know it is wrong. The first few years of marriage is filled with sex almost five times a day in different parts of the house and at odd hours, but after the few years we start 
to back down, we start to make excuses, we start to see it as a chore and then we let them know that we are really not interested in them physically.
Wow, what happened to the lady fox, the hot chic, the sexy cat that he got married to?
What happened to the babe that would understand the signal he would give and immediately comply?
What happened those times when he would race home to his sexy energetic ever ready wife who would make him feel wanted?
I know that most of you will say "I have kids who wear me out, I have work that drains me, I got older, my sex drive has gone under, I have a headache" to the point that the man will need to get a visa at your "embassy"  to visit his favorite place in the World.
When you do this to him, how do you expect him to come home everyday to look at your tired, grumpy and unfriendly face?
How would you expect him to come home to you complaining about the plumber, your child that was being rude, and your boss that gave you a hard time?
NOOOOOOO  please.

At that point he wants you to take him to that special place were the sky is so wonderful and turn his brain around to the point that all you say will sound like sweet music to his ears.
These men are human beings who go through their own challenges, half of which you don't even know because they are trying to save you from  all the stress.
What annoys me the most is when we women start to complain and nag about the men not having time for us, and how they no longer find us attractive anymore and that's where the suspicion starts. That's when the saying comes, "if he is not getting it from me someone else must be giving it to him’.

I don't encourage cheating at all in fact it goes against what the bible teaches no matter what. I will not also judge anyone who has been caught in a web he is not proud of for one reason or the other. I believe that if we are truly sorry for our sins and we go to God with the determination not to sin again, he is merciful and will forgive us.

In all of this I know that all men are not beasts, neither are they evil because we married them. I also know that men do not get married and carry it at the back of their minds that they must cheat. That's not how it works please. There are things that we do that trigger things in their brains and these things drive them to do things that they really would not have done. Most of us believe it when they say men don’t think with their brains but they think with their penis. I beg to differ because they know what they are doing and I don’t see how the penis can have a brain that will control the whole body. There is always something that sparks off in the brain that sends the signal to the penis.
You may or may not agree with me but this is what I choose to believe. Most men we married are not so evil and dubious, some may be cowards but cast your mind back to the kind of man you chose to marry and see if there were traces of that character or not.

 What men want:
- They want to feel like they are in control of things which is not bad because they are the head.
- They want to feel loved and like it or not they are our first babies who desire words of affirmation no matter how macho they seem.
- They want to feel WANTED all the time, it gives them the confidence that all men crave for.
- They want to know you are still sexually attracted to them.
- They don't want you to make it obvious that you are smatter even if you are.
- They like their space and alone time.
- They don't want to come home to a fat mama who is the opposite of the sexy curvy woman he fell in love with, because she let herself go after they got married. Why should she try and look the same? She is married now, who else does she have to impress? WRONG! Men are first of all moved by what they see before anything else. So when they can't see that anymore or at least an effort to getting back that body that turned them on, they'll probably lose interest in you and find it someone else.
- They don't want to come and hug you after work with you are smelling of onions and oil. At least take a shower before he gets there or if there is no time spray perfume.
- They want to come home to a nice smelling neat and tidy home.
- They want to walk into the bedroom with the bed all made up and clothes arranged. Maybe a small note on his pillow saying I love you and I am glad you are home, that definitely puts an automatic smile on his face even if for three seconds, it keeps him interested in you
- They want you to be a good listener not just a talker.
- They want to know that you believe in them and you are proud of them.
- They want to know that no matter what you will have their back and support them, then ask questions later.
- They just want to see that you are making an effort because no human should expect you to be perfect.
- They don't want another mother but they want you to take care of them the way you would your kids.
- They want a wife, girlfriend, sorry to say (personal call girl) which is not a bad thing because he is your husband who is free to express his sexual desires as long as they are not life threatening or demeaning.

There are so many things I can add and you will not stop reading so let me end this by saying: if you do not try to do at least 60 percent of this regularly, trust me a younger version of you will cross his path and that is exactly how the enemy works. When that younger and more energetic version of you catches his eye, your matter will quietly end. This girl will rock his world so bad that coming home to you will become a chore. These girls can give him all these things and even more that the men find it so difficult to resist. All the money that was supposed to go to you and your children will find their way to her pocket. They can get anything they want from your man because they know the secret to getting and keeping him.

I know that this article will cause a lot of controversial wahala but it is fine because in life people don't like to hear the truth. This might also be an opportunity for people to make silly comments but the truth is I am loving it all. I finally have the attention of people who will ordinarily not want to listen to me or watch me.

Ladies on a more serious note, if you are guilty of these crimes and are depriving your husband of what is rightfully his then don't be shocked when a younger version of you gets the best of him.
I will let you all know when the extended version of this topic will be on my YouTube channel. God will bless your homes and give you the wisdom you need to keep it together.

Think about this objectively, try out what you agree with and discard what you don't. Leave the messenger out of it for a change and see the bigger picture ahead.

Take care of yourselves and remember that I love you all.


  1. Tank u anty stella nd Godbless u2.Though am yet to be married, I stil lernt a gr8 deal frm dis article

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  3. dear stella thank you for this in my case its the other way round i am the one deprived of sex and have been for 41/2 years dont know what to do and he doesnt want to address the issue.

  4. dear Stella thank you for this article, in my case its the other way round I am the one deprived of sex and have been for 4 1/2 years don't know what to do and he doesn't want to address the issue.

  5. Nice one aunty stella,I am ur no1 fan.welldone

  6. Dis piece is a wonderful one,our youth needs to read dis too cuz they too wud get married sumdai :)

  7. Wow! Lovely write up Stella. I must commend you, you are doing a great job. Its high time the women folk learnt this. All you wrote is 100% truth. Keep it up & looking forward to the extended version on YouTube. God bless you.

  8. Really nice...Thanks a lot.

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  10. Not jst money and sex is very important 2 a man,good food is also included

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  12. I love love love this, i am single but i def picked a few pointers. Thanks Aunty Stella.

  13. I read this article on Linda Ikeji's blog and funny how people are quick to castigate aunty Stella. Why not focus on the message being passed and pick what you can pick as the article clearly said?
    Thumbs Up Jare aunty Stella, you made some very vital points. I hope the ladies can put sentiments aside and be logical for once because there is a lot of truth in this article.

    1. truely there is a lot of truth, but why didn't she practice what she is preaching to keep the 2nd marriage.

    2. @teetteewright thank you so much you just made a good point

  14. Ma, am not married but about to, would definitely apply this to my marriage. Thanks a lot

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  17. @Hadeebah, Judge not so that ye might not be judged. Get married and let us see what your marriage will look like without doing 60 percent of the pieces of advice in this article. Nice piece Stella!!!

    1. @ faith ajide: I am married with a set of twin (boys).I seek advice and counseling from older generation couples who ve had/as sucessful long standin relationship not 4rm som1 with a bad record.if she believes in dis advice,why dint she apply it to keep her 2nd marriage.Nobody is PERFECT,I,u neither is stella perfect but she getting dis negative vibe 4rm dis advice becos she is not practicing wot she is preaching.nigerians r not dumies.

    2. @ faith ajide: I am married with a set of twin (boys).I seek advice and counseling from older generation couples who ve had/as sucessful long standin relationship not 4rm som1 with a bad record.if she believes in dis advice,why dint she apply it to keep her 2nd marriage.Nobody is PERFECT,I,u neither is stella perfect but she getting dis negative vibe 4rm dis advice becos she is not practicing wot she is preaching.nigerians r not dumies.

  18. Thank you so much SD for this info .. Even though i'm not married, I've learnt a lot for future use.

    Bless you SD! You're the best regardless of what em haters think!

    LET THEM SAY ;) .. E nor dey phase us! LOL

  19. Nice one Dear Aunty Stella. I just want 2 say thank u a million times. Another explosive piece as usual!!! U av and will never disappoint me. Am a jst a young Engineer in my mid twenty's, but I av learnt so much frm this piece. One thing I luv abt u is ur strength,courage and zeal.....ur beauty added lol. For all those who judge and talk abt u negatively I av jst dis one for dem..."first remove d log frm ur eye b4 u see d speck in ur Niebor's eye"" Thank u dear Stella. I luv u..

  20. I like this, but pls write about "how to keep your woman happy" for the Men. A woman can't be killing herself trying to look and act perfect all the time while d man is not even trying to make her happy. Talking about sex, some men are just in and out men type of men, no time for foreplay and just leaves d woman frustrated. Pls talk about that in your next write up. Thanks....

  21. love it
    but is it true you snatched someone's hubby?
    The article is very interesting

  22. This is a mind blowing article. Stella pls give us the tips of how Men can keep their women. Thanks.

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  24. Interesting article but it could easily be mistaken as a one sided article if reading it from a female perspective. It is true that most men love sex and on balance men want sex more than women. But as one author puts it sex starts right at the breakfast table not in the bedroom. The good book urges women to respect and submit to their husbands as they do to the Lord. Husbands on the other hand are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church. A relationship were a wife willingly submits to her husband but he doesn't love her as Christ loved the church would soon start feeling like an abusive relationship. Equally a relationship where a husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church but the woman shows no respect will leave the man feeling like a mug. That is why we need balance, a man is responsible for setting a climate of love within his home and a wife is equally charge to respect her husband so that both parties create an environment where it is a delight to love one another both emotionally and physically. A good woman should make her husband feel wanted and a good man should make his wife feel cherished every single day.

  25. Before i write my comment, i have a strong feeling it will be removed. As much as your information is useful, I dont think you have the right to advice us. Simple reason is that 1. you snatched someone's husband 2. You are in your 3rd marriage /or relationship. I understand the end of the first marriage, but what about the 2nd marriage. Why couldn't you keep it, if you practiced what you preach, or are you saying you just learnt these information?

    When women are talking, you have no right to talk especially when it concerns keeping a home.
    That said, your information is educative.

    1. How old are you? You don't have to be here if you don't want to.

      It is very obvious you are still in high school.

    2. she made a good point stop been a hyprocrite

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  27. So first of all, as a feminist, I frown at this article right from the title: "Keeping your man." I love Stella as a celebrity and even as a person. But please, this comment is making me mad: "They don't want you to make it obvious that you are smarter even if you are." Really? Please watch Chimamanda Adichie's speech:

  28. Hey "teeteewright", take the wisdom and leave those you think are mistakes. You will be better for it. Gleaned more wisdom tips in your journey of life? Share them instead. Salut'

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  30. Racheal i am sooooo impressed with this at lease those of us not married are learning something. Thanks sooo much God bless u abundantly.