Song of the heart

Hello Ladies,

How have you been dealing with life's issues and challenges? I know that it is not easy at all regardless of who you are. Whether single, married, single parent, divorced, widowed, engaged, etc.
What you need to know is that you are not alone, we are your sisters and are here to share your burdens with you. One of my best friends in the whole world just lost her 33 year old brother who had a three year old daughter and beautiful wife. I simply told her that whenever she needed to talk, cry, scream, sulk; I will be right there to take the heat because she is like a sister and that's why I am in her life. I pray that you ladies find some special people who will be there for you in your time of need.

Talking about your time of need, today's blog was sent in by my aunty, friend, sister, confidant, muse and spiritual motivator all rolled into one of the strongest women in the world today. I have decided to do a video blog on her on my YouTube channel and I am sure that is when you will understand why she is all that and more. Her name is 

Miss Jay to everybody. At the end of the blog I will put out her handles so you can follow her on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram etc. She has helped me get through the darkest times in my life and I know she can help you too. If you get to know her history and what she has had to deal with and is still dealing with, you will quickly get in touch with her and just pour out your heart. You will be amazed at how much you will learn. She is a Mentor to me and this is what she wants to share:

People are condemned, criticized, judged, discouraged, confused and abandoned by the people they expect to support them, just because of their choices in relationship.
Some will say "the bible said", others will say custom and tradition forbids this or that, yet they can not represent or fill in your need or desire the relationship can give.
Therefore I wrote this song to encourage every heart that has found love, no matter the form or kind, as long as it makes you happy and fills in that space only you know about.

SONG OF THE HEART:

Let them say it's wrong, let them say you're a fool
Let them think you are not true to yourself;
But they don't know the love we share
They can't see the burning of our hearts
Our desires to be with each other over-rules their thoughts about us

They don't know the kind of love we feel in our hearts,
How we can see each other through the eyes of our love
They say, it can't be true
They say it couldn't survive,
They say it might be something that will pass with time
But time goes by but we stand still, our love grows stronger

They don't know the taste of the love we share
They can't smell the fragrance of this love
They can't see the beauty in the colour of this love
The wings of love that flies into our hearts, how warm and sweet it feels

But I know what our hearts say
They can't see you through my eyes
They can't change the way we feel, all they say don't hold a thing

How can we be apart sometimes yet my heart is with you?
How can I say nothing yet my heart sings for you?
The melody from my soul rings in your heart
Your simplicity makes loving you easy
Your humility makes it easy to understand your heart
Your lightness makes your love easy to carry on with

Facebook: Jacquie Jay

Twitter : @Jacquiejayking

Instagram: @Jacquiejay8

DAY OF THE GIRL: SHAME TO THE GREEDY

Today marks the DAY OF THE GIRL and as we get through the day I want to plead with you all to remember the little girls out there

who are crying and suffering in silence.

They are forced into a life that they cannot understand, a life that takes away their innocence and childhood, a life that takes away their education and good health, a life that takes away their human rights and freedom, a life that turns them into me statistics, a life that takes away their life.

It is amazing how we fight against those who take our oil, or increase the price of fuel, or our money to enrich themselves, or our teachers salary, or our electricity, but we cannot stand up and fight for the survival and human rights of our little girls. 

To think that a country like Nigeria would rather focus their attention on court battles between  political parties because all they are interested in is the next group of greedy people who want to Rule us, who  will continue to take everything we have for themselves so the vicious cycle can continue.

We see how our leaders and lawmakers shamelessly fight physically for very silly and greedy reasons with the whole world watching on YouTube. 

How I wish these fights were about issues like protecting the girl child and persecuting those who are violating them.

When things don't concern us or affect us directly we tend to feel some form of emotion for a few minutes and after that we move on with our day. But when a pressing issue concerns us or our families we start to call the press to come and help us put our fights and campaign out there.

These little girls are helpless and depending on us the adults to speak for them and fight for them. Not everyone can be a NUJOOD ALI or a MALALA. 

"Nujood Ali"

"Malala"

Today I am challenging you to do something, go on your twitter, Facebook, instagram, linked in, blogs whatever social media you have and start talking about these issues. Post pictures, send emails to people you know are close to the government, look around a rural area near you and discover some of these girls and if you are afraid to tell their story or identify them, you can let us know. There are people who can get to these girls and find ways to help them. Even if all you can do is tweet about it then please do. If you can hold small conferences or awareness programs around you and speak to the uneducated people who do these things then you would have given the little  girls the voice they do not have.

To say that I am ashamed that the Nigerian senate have decided to let the deletion of the clause in the constitution die a natural death, is an understatement. One would think that by now we would have heard a thing or two about the efforts or the meetings to try and resolve this. Instead we here about the fights and how over two hundred people accompanied the federal government  officials to the united nations summit in the united states of America.

These people were flown and accommodated in expensive hotels, given their " per diem" (which is usually more than you can imagine)  for each of them and of course the usual thank you for coming package. Check the Internet for details of the summit and find out how many people came from other countries. 

Pray for these girls if that is all you can do, or wear pink and take a picture of yourself with the caption "save the girls".

Save our little girls today and please watch the YouTube video I created for this. 

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLet1Nd-47Q

God bless you all.

Keeping Your Man

Hello ladies,

Been a while since you read from me and I am sorry about that. However I never said I would be the only one writing for this blog. I threw it open to members to send in their articles, concerns, challenges, questions and other things to the Adiva email address and we will publish it. Not only that, we will get the experts/professionals to help answer some of your questions, I am still waiting to hear from you all.
Anyway I have good news and that is the fact that you will be able to watch me talk more/elaborate on things I will write in the blog. Yes o my YouTube channel will be very very active soon with my new project called Stella's diaries. You all need to look out for it because it will be very exciting as usual. I will say it the way I see it and I am sure by now most of you know I am not ashamed or afraid to speak my mind.

Anyway let me go to the topic I want to discuss today "keeping your man".
This is for the married women o please this is not targeted at single girls.

Now we know that the one thing men cannot live without apart from money is SEX. In this forum I really don't care where anyone is from or what religion you belong to, I will be as raw and honest as possible.

I do not understand why women especially Africans do not talk about sex when we know that it is the one thing we do regularly with so much pleasure.
Anyway our men love sex to the max and we know that for a fact. So how come when we are dating them we are so willing to give them what they want even though we know it is wrong. The first few years of marriage is filled with sex almost five times a day in different parts of the house and at odd hours, but after the few years we start to back down, we start to make excuses, we start to see it as a chore and then we let them know that we are really not interested in them physically.

Wow, what happened to the lady fox, the hot chic, the sexy cat that he got married to?
What happened to the babe that would understand the signal he would give and immediately comply?
What happened those times when he would race home to his sexy energetic ever ready wife who would make him feel wanted?
I know that most of you will say "I have kids who wear me out, I have work that drains me, I got older, my sex drive has gone under, I have a headache" to the point that the man will need to get a visa at your "embassy"  to visit his favorite place in the World.
When you do this to him, how do you expect him to come home everyday to look at your tired, grumpy and unfriendly face?
How would you expect him to come home to you complaining about the plumber, your child that was being rude, and your boss that gave you a hard time?
NOOOOOOO  please.

At that point he wants you to take him to that special place were the sky is so wonderful and turn his brain around to the point that all you say will sound like sweet music to his ears.
These men are human beings who go through their own challenges, half of which you don't even know because they are trying to save you from  all the stress.
What annoys me the most is when we women start to complain and nag about the men not having time for us, and how they no longer find us attractive anymore and that's where the suspicion starts. That's when the saying comes, "if he is not getting it from me someone else must be giving it to him’.

I don't encourage cheating at all in fact it goes against what the bible teaches no matter what. I will not also judge anyone who has been caught in a web he is not proud of for one reason or the other. I believe that if we are truly sorry for our sins and we go to God with the determination not to sin again, he is merciful and will forgive us.

In all of this I know that all men are not beasts, neither are they evil because we married them. I also know that men do not get married and carry it at the back of their minds that they must cheat. That's not how it works please. There are things that we do that trigger things in their brains and these things drive them to do things that they really would not have done. Most of us believe it when they say men don’t think with their brains but they think with their penis. I beg to differ because they know what they are doing and I don’t see how the penis can have a brain that will control the whole body. There is always something that sparks off in the brain that sends the signal to the penis.
You may or may not agree with me but this is what I choose to believe. Most men we married are not so evil and dubious, some may be cowards but cast your mind back to the kind of man you chose to marry and see if there were traces of that character or not.

 What men want:
- They want to feel like they are in control of things which is not bad because they are the head.
- They want to feel loved and like it or not they are our first babies who desire words of affirmation no matter how macho they seem.
- They want to feel WANTED all the time, it gives them the confidence that all men crave for.
- They want to know you are still sexually attracted to them.
- They don't want you to make it obvious that you are smatter even if you are.
- They like their space and alone time.
- They don't want to come home to a fat mama who is the opposite of the sexy curvy woman he fell in love with, because she let herself go after they got married. Why should she try and look the same? She is married now, who else does she have to impress? WRONG! Men are first of all moved by what they see before anything else. So when they can't see that anymore or at least an effort to getting back that body that turned them on, they'll probably lose interest in you and find it someone else.
- They don't want to come and hug you after work with you are smelling of onions and oil. At least take a shower before he gets there or if there is no time spray perfume.
- They want to come home to a nice smelling neat and tidy home.
- They want to walk into the bedroom with the bed all made up and clothes arranged. Maybe a small note on his pillow saying I love you and I am glad you are home, that definitely puts an automatic smile on his face even if for three seconds, it keeps him interested in you
- They want you to be a good listener not just a talker.
- They want to know that you believe in them and you are proud of them.
- They want to know that no matter what you will have their back and support them, then ask questions later.
- They just want to see that you are making an effort because no human should expect you to be perfect.
- They don't want another mother but they want you to take care of them the way you would your kids.
- They want a wife, girlfriend, sorry to say (personal call girl) which is not a bad thing because he is your husband who is free to express his sexual desires as long as they are not life threatening or demeaning.

There are so many things I can add and you will not stop reading so let me end this by saying: if you do not try to do at least 60 percent of this regularly, trust me a younger version of you will cross his path and that is exactly how the enemy works. When that younger and more energetic version of you catches his eye, your matter will quietly end. This girl will rock his world so bad that coming home to you will become a chore. These girls can give him all these things and even more that the men find it so difficult to resist. All the money that was supposed to go to you and your children will find their way to her pocket. They can get anything they want from your man because they know the secret to getting and keeping him.

I know that this article will cause a lot of controversial wahala but it is fine because in life people don't like to hear the truth. This might also be an opportunity for people to make silly comments but the truth is I am loving it all. I finally have the attention of people who will ordinarily not want to listen to me or watch me.

Ladies on a more serious note, if you are guilty of these crimes and are depriving your husband of what is rightfully his then don't be shocked when a younger version of you gets the best of him.
I will let you all know when the extended version of this topic will be on my YouTube channel. God will bless your homes and give you the wisdom you need to keep it together.

Think about this objectively, try out what you agree with and discard what you don't. Leave the messenger out of it for a change and see the bigger picture ahead.

Take care of yourselves and remember that I love you all.

Love Letters

A Fund-Raiser event brought to you by RED.

Its a tribute to the mentally challenged women and special children at So Said Charity Home, Okota, Lagos.

We're raising funds and writing letters to these people (yes, they read!)

So, come write your own encouraging, inspiring, funny and loving letter. Everyone is welcome.

There's gonna be a discount bake sale as well, where people who bake can sell their stuff but keep their profits. All you need to do is pay for a stand. 

So, if you bake, make snacks or are just generally in the flour department  please call 08022843855 or 08082824785 for more inquiries. 

Support and Spread the news on #LoveLetters!

Date: July 27th 2013

Venue: Ember Creek, 32 Awolowo Road, South West, Ikoyi, Lagos.


To Beautiful Souls in Lost Bodies ... Cheers!

For more contact info
@iniitama
@thee_Reunion
mayenini@yahoo.com

Your Help is Needed

Hello my wonderful Adiva members, we have a young lady who desperately needs our help and advice.

Remember that our forum is devoid of gossip and judging people. From time to time we can all send in our concerns and issues and hear from other members as to what we can do to sort our issues out. We are strong, bold and confident women who are not afraid or ashamed to ask for a shoulder to cry on from our sisters. 

Please read the message below and send your advice for this young lady.

God bless you all.
- Stella Damasus

"Hi, I saw your blog on Facebook so I decided to come here for help. Well, I am a very lively person on the inside but on the outside, i am too shy and quiet. At, first i thought it was normal to experience such changes because of puberty, adolescence .... All those 

normal changes from childhood to adulthood but it's been bugging me out! 

I'm sixteen years old, just finished secondary school and I can't even sit among my mates without sweating. 

Please, I really have a lot to tell people around me but every time I try, it's like something is holding my throat. 

Is there anything you can do to help me PLEASE! " 

LOVE YOU

Hey Ladies,

A member of the ADIVA family sent me an article via email and after reading it, I decided to share it with you all.

LOVE YOU



I saw the photo above on a friends DP a few days ago and I smiled because this is exactly what I have been trying to tell this particular friend. She's worried that because she's on the plus side, she'll never fit into the entertainment industry or find love. She has told herself that until she is a certain size she'll not even try to do anything along the path of entertainment despite the fact she is a very talented and beautiful young lady.

I smiled because seeing her use that as her display picture probably means, that we are making progress, but I'm almost a hundred percent sure that she's not the only beautiful and talented young lady that's going through this issue as well. It may not necessarily be about your size, it could be what that person you love so much has told you you can never do, it could be those things your friends said to you years ago, it could be anything that's holding you back from doing the things you should be doing or getting to that place God has appointed for you.

Marilyn Monroe,who has times without number been referred to as one of the most beautiful women to ever walk this earth, wasn't as perfect as we all thought she was, she had flaws that we don't even know about but it didn't stop her from doing what she wanted, it didn't stop her from achieving her dreams. Through all the bad press and all the slander, she waxed strong and today she's what almost every woman wants to be.

Ladies, it's high time we stopped doing things to please others, or based on what other people expect of us! Go out there, take that step, do something someone has told you you would never be able to do, forget your flaws and insecurities, Love you, Do you, Be you regardless of what people think. Janelle Monae said something that I love so much during her acceptance speech during Black Girls Rock 2012, 'Embrace what makes you unique even if it makes others uncomfortable' and i absolutely agree with her, we have been brought up to believe that the we  should live according to the standards of other people but that's wrong, live your life the way you please, embrace those things that make you unique, just make sure that the things you  do are acceptable to God.

- Rumeh ( Twitter: @RumsiieEe )

Fashion and Art Exhibition

To all my Adiva Ladies in the City of Lagos, Nigeria...

MENTE DE MODA will be hosting a fashion and arts exhibition and one of our very own ADIVA Ladies has a stall where she would be displaying clothes from her fashion line 'Thorned by Maffy' along side

accessories, shoes (for both Male and Female) from Code 55 which is owned and run by Me and my partner Daniel Ademinokan, and also Wigs from ADIVA Hair.

Date: Sunday, 7th July 2013
Venue: Likwid Lounge, No. 879, Samuel Manuwa Street, Off Ozumba Mbadiwe, Victoria Island.
Time: 2pm

Let's be there to support our ADIVA Member and also to feast our eyes on amazing art works, clothes, shoes, accessories and wigs by Maffy, Code 55, ADIVA Hair and other amazing people.

Make sure to come along with money, you might just see a few things you may want to take home with you.

For more info you can call Rumeh, an ADIVA rep on 08127723805. She will also be there on that day and she's looking forward to meeting some members of the ADIVA family in person.

Don't forget to spread the word about this!

- Stella Damasus

 

 
 

 

WELCOME -> Let's Do This Together

 
I have often wondered why people especially men have this impression that women don't like each other and definitely do not support each other. I have also seen a lot of strong women who have set up associations, forums, interest groups, clubs and other things just to bring women together. It has been one of the most difficult things to do because as painful as it sounds the men are right. I do not live in self-denial so I am not one of those who will stand and defend a lie.

Most women till date still struggle with envy, jealousy, hatred, gossip, back biting, judging, condemning, destroying, lying and so many other things. As women if WE are honest with ourselves WE will agree in our hearts that WE are guilty of one or more of these crimes/sins. When we think about it we realize that these things never did anything good for us, never made us better people, never made us more intelligent, never made us richer or happier, so the question is WHY?
We see someone who has what we want and instead of working hard to achieve it and asking God to help us, we want to say things to bring them down. Some of us have packed on so many pounds that when we see another woman who is a size 10 our hearts start to race so fast and we just hate them. Some of us want to play that role so bad so the moment another actress is chosen for that role we start to say unthinkable things about them just to hurt their feelings, even when we know it will not change the situation or reduce the amount of money in their bank account.

I was inspired recently by Gabrielle Union who received an Essence award. In her acceptance speech she tells the whole world how horrible she was and how she would do and say anything to bring others down. She was a BAD GIRL who thrived in unforgiveness and envy but after a while she realized she was hurting herself and all the evil did not help her in any way. Today she is free because she has accepted the positive change.
When I heard her speech I was so inspired that I thought to share this with my fellow women because I believe that if we decide to become the sisters we were all created to be, the world would be a better place for us.  Our voices will be heard, our little girls will not be married off at the age of nine, they will get an education, we will have more female presidents, job creation will definitely increase and we can help one another to achieve other things.
I still strongly believe that we all have to keep talking about this, encourage each other to replace hate with love and celebrate ourselves as women. I cannot begin to tell you the benefits that togetherness can bring into our lives.

 

I am willing to keep talking and keep trying everything I can and that is why I set up the ADIVA mentoring program. This has helped a lot of young girls who have attended our seminars and those who we continued to communicate with. Some people complained that it was not available in their countries, so we decided to have our own website which is under construction now and our blog which has started. We will have members who can discuss different topics and also network on line. They will also organize their own meet ups in their home country until we can all meet in a country we vote to meet and spend a full weekend there just bonding, sharing, laughing and socializing. This is what it's all about.

ADIVA WEBSITE/BLOG
A forum created for women and young girls to:

- Share their stories, pain and trials
- Celebrate their achievements
- Talk about family, relationships, work, life other things
- Ask questions and get unbiased, non-judgmental  and professional  answers
- Review books, movies, magazines, articles, destinations, services, products and brands,   arts, music etc.

This is no place for gossip so we will not publish any negative story neither will we publish any unconfirmed information.
Women will experience a sisterhood like never before, friendship that will last, a support system that is strong and a one stop shop for information on the best places to get the best things for the best price at the right time and with good guarantee.
Women can send us an email (adiva0478@gmail.com) with their businesses that we can review for them and if their products or services are things we can confidently support and vouch for then they get free publicity for a month. This is for products that can be attributed to the body/health, for other things like books, music, events etc. that are positive they get free publicity on all our forms of media.

This is not an association but a movement for women to rise up, come together, empower one another, educate one another and be the best that we can be and also love GOD.
We will not require full names in the forum just first names for privacy.
Some of you might not see the need in doing this but to those of you that do, let's do this together and I know GOD will help us make it a wonderful rewarding experience.
I am excited about this because I get to talk with so many wonderful women from all over the world and you can too. This movement is for all races and no exceptions. All you need to be a part of this is to be a woman or young girl.

 

However you can take it a step further by becoming a member.
To become a member of ADIVA, send your NAME, EMAIL ADDRESS, NATIONALITY, COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE and state which of the following age groups you belong to:
(16-20), (21-25), (26-30), (31-35), (36 and Above); as an email to adiva0478@gmail.com. PLEASE NOTE THAT THERE IS NO FEE INVOLVED IN BECOMING A MEMBER.

God willing, women will begin to get the protection, respect, recognition and appreciation they deserve.


Welcome to our world, a place where every woman is A DIVA.

By Stella Damasus